TUSSLE IN THE FAMILY: The impossible task of reconciliation with teenage children

All over the world, the family, which is the basic unit of society has undergone tremendous change. Though it has changed it has nevertheless remained the same when we look at the dynamics between the parents and their teenage children. There is a Yiddish proverb that says – “small children disturb your sleep, the big children your life”. Parents often hit a roadblock while dealing with their teens. Confused about everything-from clothes to fancy gadgets, they are tough nuts to crack.

Despite every trick under one’s hat, there comes times when one’s strategies backfire. Volumes of self-help books and advice from well meaning friends and elders in the family offer no succour. When you are confronted with your teenage children there is never a meeting ground. When harassed parents put their foot down and breathe down their children’s neck they soon realise that the venture has become a pain in the neck for them. There are times when it becomes equally difficult to calm your freaked out kids.

Teenage children are experts in making their parents succumb to their dictates. They basically exploit the indecision of their parents to their advantage. It could be a decision to buy the latest mobile, or stay out at friends place during the weekend; they understand how to get their way. Any indecision on the part of the mother will be met with going to the father for approval. Though parents try to stick to one decision, most spouses end up squabbling and disagreeing, blaming each other for the wrong decision.

If these things happen in the lives of parents with teenage children, they are in more happy times. There are things that can go ‘haywire’. A boy having an affair with his cousin, another trying to fight to get married because she has attained the ripe old age of 18 and another wanting to marry a man old enough to be her father. These incidents are not melodramatic soap operas; they depict the shocking and startling aspects that could send a chill down the spine of any parent. It would make them wonder about the degeneration of today’s kids.

It is the right time that parents realise that perfect-parenting is a myth. Whatever you do it certainly backfires. There is an adage, if you cannot beat them, join them. There is certainly no point cribbing about them. Experience ought to teach parents to keep out of their children’s way. No remote controlling their lives, if you do you are on shifting sands and the tussle goes on forever.

The writer is a Professor of Management at Justice K S Hegde Institute of Management, Nitte.

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