Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
September 24,2024

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Ahmedabad: The investigation into the death of a six-year-old girl in Gujarat's Dahod district has led to a chilling revelation -- the Class I student was choked to death, allegedly by her school's principal after she resisted his attempts to sexually assault her. He then dumped her body in the school's compound and her bag and shoes near the classroom. Police have arrested the accused, 55-year-old Govind Natt.

Senior police officer Rajdeep Singh Jhala said the six-year-old girl's body was found on the premises of her school on Thursday evening, sparking panic in the area. The post-mortem revealed that she suffocated to death. Police registered a case and formed 10 teams to probe the matter. The girl's mother told the police that she went to school with the principal, Govind Natt, every day. When the cops spoke to him, the principal said he had dropped off the girl at the school and left for some work.

The cops were not convinced. When they examined Govind Natt's phone location details on the day of the incident, it was found that he reached school late that day. When he was grilled, the principal confessed to the heinous crime.

"He picked up the girl from her home at around 10.20 am. Her mother helped her get into the principal's car and saw her off. But she never reached the school. The school's students and teachers confirmed this. On the way to school, the principal tried to sexually assault her, and she started shouting," the senior officer said, adding that the principal choked the girl to stop her from shouting.

On reaching the school, the principal left the girl's body in his car and locked the vehicle. "Around 5 pm, he dumps the body behind the school building and plants her school bag and shoes outside her classroom. He denied this initially, but we suspected him after the technical analysis," Mr Jhala said.

Govind Natt, police have said, faces stringent charges under the Bharatiya Nyay Sanhita and the stringent Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act.

State Education Minister Kuber Dindor said it was a shameful incident for the society. "I am pained by this. We were following this up for three days. We had told police to get to the bottom of this. The principal has been arrested. I condemn this incident and we will take steps to ensure such crimes are not repeated."

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News Network
September 24,2024

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The Karnataka High Court on Tuesday dismissed the petition filed by Chief Minister Siddaramaiah against Governor Thawarchand Gehlot's decision to sanction the complaint and investigation against him in the alleged Mysore Urban Development Authority (MUDA) scam case.

Justice M Nagaprasanna said the facts narrated in the petition would undoubtedly require an investigation.

The court has also said that the Governor's order approving sanction to investigate against Siddaramaiah under section 17A of the Prevention of Corruption Act does not suffer from application of mind, instead has abundance of application of mind.

Meanwhile, the court rejected the request made by senior advocate Abhishek Singhvi to stay the order of the court. The court has vacated the interim order passed on August 19. In the interim order the trial court was directed not to take any precipitative action against Siddaramaiah. On August 17, Governor had approved sanction under section 17 A  of the Prevention of Corruption Act and Section 218 of Bharatiya Nagarik Suraksha Sanhita ( BNSS), citing three applications.

The court said the private complainants were justified in registering the complaint and seeking approval from the governor.

Insofar as private complainants seeking sanction under section 17A, the court said the provision nowhere requires only a police officer to seek sanction from a competent authority. The court further said it is in fact the duty of the private complainants to seek such approval.

Earlier, The High Court had completed its hearing in the case on September 12, and reserved its orders. It had also directed a special court in Bengaluru to defer further proceedings and not to take any precipitative action against the Chief Minister.

The case pertains to allegations that compensatory sites were allotted to Siddaramaiah's wife B M Parvathi in an upmarket area in Mysuru that had higher property value as compared to the location of her land that had been "acquired" by MUDA.

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News Network
September 24,2024

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Mangaluru, Sept 24: A blanket of gloom descended over Dakshina Kannada and Udupi as heavy rains battered the coastal Karnataka districts on Tuesday. Substantial rainfall has been drenching the region since Monday, intensifying as the day progressed.

In Dakshina Kannada, torrential downpours began early Tuesday, followed by overcast skies and humid conditions. 

The showers persisted intermittently through the afternoon, with areas like Beltangady experiencing moderate rainfall, while Puttur and Bellare bore the brunt of heavier storms. 

Overnight showers were reported in Bantwal, and Mangaluru city, along with its surrounding rural areas, witnessed a steady increase in rainfall, peaking by the evening.

After a brief respite, the return of intense rainfall has brought a welcome drop in temperatures. In Udupi, Karkala, Udupi city, Kundapur, and Hebri taluks all faced substantial rains throughout the day, continuing from late Sunday night.

The Indian Meteorological Department (IMD) has issued a red alert for the coastal districts, predicting more heavy rainfall in the coming hours. 

A yellow alert has been placed for Wednesday, signaling the likelihood of additional downpours. Fishermen have been cautioned to remain vigilant, as the possibility of strong winds looms over the coastal waters.

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