Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
September 20,2024

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Mandya: The Deputy Superintendent of Police of Nagamangala town in Mandya district has been suspended for "negligence and dereliction of duty" in connection with the clashes that broke out between two groups during a Lord Ganesh idol procession, police said on Friday.

This is the second suspension of a police officer over the clashes on September 11 following which mobs went on a rampage targeting several shops and vehicles leading to tension here.

The situation in the town has since returned to normalcy and most of the shops have started operating. However, adequate security forces continued to be stationed here as a precautionary measure, according to police.

Sumeeth A R, DySP (Nagamangala), was suspended on Thursday for negligence and dereliction of duty, Mandya Superintendent of Police Mallikarjun Baldandi told PTI.

"He (Sumeeth) was not present at the spot nor was he at the police headquarters when the incident occurred. He arrived late at the spot despite the sensitive nature of events," he said.

Earlier, Police Inspector Ashok Kumar posted at Nagamangala town police station was suspended for dereliction of duty in connection with the violence.

A total of 55 people have been arrested in connection with the incident.

According to police, an argument broke out between two groups, when the Ganesh idol procession by devotees from Badarikoppalu village reached a place of worship on September 11, and some miscreants hurled stones, which escalated the situation.

The police had used mild force to disperse the crowd to control the situation.

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News Network
September 19,2024

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In a grand celebration of patriotism and local pride, Karnataka’s second tallest flagpole, and the tallest in Dakshina Kannada, was officially inaugurated on Wednesday, September 18, at the iconic Kadri Park in Mangaluru.

The event, a significant milestone in the city's Smart City journey, was graced by several prominent leaders. MP Capt Brijesh Chowta, a distinguished guest at the inauguration, spoke passionately about the symbolic importance of the flag. "This towering structure, made possible through the Smart City initiative, elevates the pride of every Indian. Since Prime Minister Narendra Modi took office, national sentiment has deepened. The national flag is not just a symbol, it embodies our self-respect and unity as a nation."

MLA Vedavyas Kamath shared his enthusiasm for the project, emphasizing its importance beyond mere construction. "The flagpole at Kadri Park, funded under the Smart City project, will not only serve as a beacon of patriotism but will also become a significant attraction, enhancing the city's tourism appeal."

Adding to the sense of occasion, Mayor Sudhir Shetty proudly highlighted the monument's grandeur. "Standing at an impressive 75 meters, second only to Belagavi's 110-meter flagpole, this new landmark is a testament to Mangaluru's growth and aspirations. The project, which cost Rs 75 lakh, will feature an advanced lighting system, ensuring it shines brightly, day and night, as a symbol of our national pride."

The ceremony saw the attendance of key dignitaries, including Deputy Mayor Sunita, Standing Committee President Bharath Kumar, Varun Chowta, Ganesh Kulal, MCC opposition leader Praveen Chandra Alva, MCC member Shakeela Kava, former Mayor Jayananda Anchan, Bhaskar K, and former MUDA president Ravishankar Mijar, each contributing to the significance of the occasion.

This towering flagpole, nestled amidst the serene beauty of Kadri Park, is set to become a new emblem of Mangaluru's spirit, uniting both locals and visitors in shared pride and patriotism.

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News Network
September 20,2024

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New Delhi: The Supreme Court today sought a report from the Karnataka High Court over controversial remarks made by Justice Vedavyasachar Srishananda during a recent court hearing.

Justice Srishananda, while addressing a landlord-tenant dispute, referred to a Muslim-majority area in Bengaluru as "Pakistan" and made a misogynistic comment involving a woman lawyer. 

A five-judge bench led by Chief Justice of India DY Chandrachud, along with Justices S Khanna, B R Gavai, S Kant, and H Roy, expressed the need for establishing clear guidelines for constitutional court judges regarding their remarks in court. 

The Supreme Court bench said that when social media plays an active role in monitoring and amplifying courtroom proceedings, there is an urgency to ensure judicial commentary aligns with the decorum expected from courts of law.

"Our attention has been drawn to some comments made by Karnataka High Court judge Justice V Srishananda during the conduct of judicial proceedings. We have asked the AG and SG to assist us. We ask the registrar general of the High Court to submit a report to this court after seeking administrative directions from the Chief Justice of Karnataka High Court. This exercise may be carried out in 2 weeks," the top court directed.

Videos of Justice Srishanananda have gone viral on social media.

In one video, he refers to a Muslim-dominated locality in Bengaluru as "Pakistan" and on another video he was seen making objectionable comments against a woman lawyer. In the second incident, Justice Srishanananda can be heard telling the woman lawyer that she seemed to know a lot about the "opposition party", so much so that she might be able to reveal the colour of their undergarments.

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