Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
September 24,2024

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The Karnataka High Court on Tuesday dismissed the petition filed by Chief Minister Siddaramaiah against Governor Thawarchand Gehlot's decision to sanction the complaint and investigation against him in the alleged Mysore Urban Development Authority (MUDA) scam case.

Justice M Nagaprasanna said the facts narrated in the petition would undoubtedly require an investigation.

The court has also said that the Governor's order approving sanction to investigate against Siddaramaiah under section 17A of the Prevention of Corruption Act does not suffer from application of mind, instead has abundance of application of mind.

Meanwhile, the court rejected the request made by senior advocate Abhishek Singhvi to stay the order of the court. The court has vacated the interim order passed on August 19. In the interim order the trial court was directed not to take any precipitative action against Siddaramaiah. On August 17, Governor had approved sanction under section 17 A  of the Prevention of Corruption Act and Section 218 of Bharatiya Nagarik Suraksha Sanhita ( BNSS), citing three applications.

The court said the private complainants were justified in registering the complaint and seeking approval from the governor.

Insofar as private complainants seeking sanction under section 17A, the court said the provision nowhere requires only a police officer to seek sanction from a competent authority. The court further said it is in fact the duty of the private complainants to seek such approval.

Earlier, The High Court had completed its hearing in the case on September 12, and reserved its orders. It had also directed a special court in Bengaluru to defer further proceedings and not to take any precipitative action against the Chief Minister.

The case pertains to allegations that compensatory sites were allotted to Siddaramaiah's wife B M Parvathi in an upmarket area in Mysuru that had higher property value as compared to the location of her land that had been "acquired" by MUDA.

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News Network
September 20,2024

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Mangaluru, Sep 20: The bye-election for the MLC seat, vacated by Kota Srinivas Poojary after his election as an MP, will take place on October 21. The election covers 6,037 voters from 392 local bodies across Dakshina Kannada and Udupi districts. Dakshina Kannada Deputy Commissioner and election officer Mullai Muhilan provided details at a press conference held at the DC office on Thursday.

Key Election Dates:

Nomination Period: September 26 to October 3
Verification of Nominations: October 4
Last Date for Withdrawal of Nominations: October 7
Election Day: October 21 (Polling from 8 AM to 4 PM)
Vote Counting: October 24

Code of Conduct:

The model code of conduct came into effect on September 19 and will remain in place until October 28 in both Dakshina Kannada and Udupi districts. During this period, government development projects cannot be announced, and foundation stone-laying ceremonies are prohibited. Political banners and hoardings are also banned. Government officials are restricted from participating in public programs or meetings. The Election Commission will oversee all political events, and the regulations that apply to MP and MLA elections will also govern this MLC bye-election.

Election Management:

Additional DCs of Dakshina Kannada and Udupi will assist as election officers. While no election-related check posts will be set up, flying squads and video surveillance teams will monitor compliance. Political party buntings and hoardings will be removed immediately.

Voter and Polling Information:

Dakshina Kannada and Udupi districts fall under the Dakshina Kannada local body authority. In this bye-election, eligible voters include members of gram panchayats, city corporations, city municipalities, town municipalities, town panchayats, as well as MLAs, MLCs, and MPs.

Dakshina Kannada: 3,551 voters, 234 polling booths
Udupi: 2,486 voters, 158 polling booths

Officials Present:

The press conference was attended by ZP CEO Dr. Anand, Additional DC Dr. Santhosh Kumar, Police Commissioner Anupam Agarwal, SP Yatheesh, MCC Commissioner Anand C L, and Assistant Commissioner Girish Nandan.

This election marks a significant political event for both districts, with voters from various local bodies participating in the process.

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News Network
September 16,2024

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The Israeli regime is recruiting African asylum seekers to kill Palestinians in the Israeli genocidal war on the Gaza Strip in exchange for permanent residency status, according to a report.

The report, ran by the Israeli paper Haaretz on Sunday, revealed that the project is conducted in an organized manner, with the guidance of military establishment legal advisers.  

In Gaza, the death toll passes 41,200 with close to 100,000 more injured in almost a year since the Israeli regime forces launched their genocidal war. However, the continued violence is prompting some Jewish Israelis to leave the occupied Palestinian land.

To make up for the loss, Tel Aviv is offering the incentive of permanent residency status to asylum seekers who agree to join the Israeli regime forces ongoing genocide in Gaza.

Haaretz has learned that some people have expressed objections to the practice, arguing that it exploits people who have fled their countries due to war. However, according to those sources, these voices have been silenced.

“This is a very problematic matter,” one source was quoted as saying by Haaretz.

According to the report, there are currently some 30,000 African asylum seekers living in the occupied territories, most of them young men. Around 3,500 are Sudanese citizens with temporary status granted by the court because the regime has not processed and ruled on their applications.

Unnamed sources who spoke with Haaretz also revealed that while there were some inquiries about granting status to asylum seekers who assisted in the genocidal war in Gaza, none were actually given status.

Haaretz also learned that the Interior Ministry explored the possibility of drafting the children of asylum seekers, who were educated in schools in the occupied territories, into the Israeli military.

In the past, the regime allowed the children of foreign workers to serve in the military in exchange for granting status to their immediate family members.

African refugees, who came to the occupied territories seeking asylum, were previously kept in internment camps and deported without their own consent.

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