Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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coastaldigest.com news network
September 16,2024

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Mangaluru, Sept 16: In a heartwarming display of communal unity, members of Hindu and Christian communities celebrated Eid Milad—marking the birth of Prophet Mohammed—by distributing sweets and refreshments to their Muslim neighbors in Dakshina Kannada.

In Boliyar, near Konaje on the outskirts of Mangaluru, members of the local organization Geleyara Balaga surprised participants in the Eid Milad procession with an offering of sweets and cold drinks. 

The gesture of goodwill was led by Manoj, Sheena Poojary, Denis Lily, Sanat, Lokanath, Satish, Praveen, Madhu, and Valentine. Abdul Rahman, the khateeb of Boliyar Juma Masjid, expressed heartfelt gratitude for this act of kindness.

In a similar display of solidarity, a group of Hindus, draped in saffron shawls, distributed sweets and drinks to those partaking in the Eid Milad procession at Mani village, Bantwal taluk.

These acts of generosity highlighted the spirit of harmony and togetherness among different communities, celebrating the true essence of the festival.

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News Network
September 14,2024

Mangaluru: The block level and District Congress Committee presidents in the state will be changed in the next one month for better reach into society and bring in organisational fortification, said Karnataka Pradesh Congress Committee working president G C Chandrasheker on Saturday.

The All India Congress Committee and KPCC have a vision for bringing a change in how the party works with the last man and woman in the state, he said at a press conference here.

"We are looking at bringing development models into the state with a new vision. We are a party that likes to work with the opposition in the developmental aspects and keep all other matters away that do not relate to the development of the state.

"We have a great respect for the people of the coast who are considered to be forward-looking and perceptible, but it is also true that we do not have the numbers in the upper house and in the Urban Local Bodies (ULBs)," he said.

"Our endeavour is to not only create a strong pro-development workforce at the base level by strengthening the second and third level leadership in the state," he said.

Chandrasheker, who is also a Rajya Sabha member, said that he and his four colleagues of the rank of working presidents of the KPCC are going to every district to infuse the new thinking in our workers and leaders.

"This move will get a new surge considering the party is facing byelections in Shiggaon, Chennapatna and Sandhur segments and also vacant seats in the legislative council, followed by elections to the Urban Local Bodies and Panchayats" he said.

When asked about the reason for the changes, Chandrashekar said most of the people have already lived their tenures. The party wants to reward those who have not been given tickets to contest in the 2023 state assembly elections and 2024 Lok Sabha elections for political reasons.

There are quite good leaders and hard-working ground level workers who have great potential to lead the party in the coming years, he said.

"Women will get at least one top post in all District Congress Committees and block levels. There is also a move to give responsible positions for the workers and leaders coming from different strata of society, which are deliverable. The party will not shy away from it," he said.

The other two working presidents, Dr Manjunath Bhandary and Vasanth Kumar, were also present at the press conference.

Kumar said some of the regions in the state are dominated by the BJP. "We want to end this run and defeat the divisive models of the BJP." Bhandary said the Indian National Congress was aiming at a high development phase in the state and involve the opposition parties and their leaders in the development plans in the state. 

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News Network
September 23,2024

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New Delhi: Downloading and watching child pornography is an offence under the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, the Supreme Court ruled today in a landmark judgment on the stringent law to prevent child abuse.

The bench of Chief Justice of India DY Chandrachud and Justice JB Pardiwala set aside the Madras High Court order that had ruled that merely downloading and watching child pornography was not an offence under the POCSO Act. The Supreme Court noted that the high court had committed an "egregious error" in passing the judgment.

The Madras High Court's order had come in a case in which a 28-year-old man was charged with downloading child pornography on his phone. The court had quashed the criminal proceedings against the man and said children these days are grappling with the serious issue of watching pornography and society must be mature enough to educate them instead of punishing them.

The Supreme Court today restored the criminal proceedings against the man.

At the outset, Justice Pardiwala thanked the Chief Justice for the opportunity to pen this judgment. The order focused on Section 15 of the POCSO Act which lays down punishment for the storage of pornographic material involving children.

"Any person who stores any pornographic material involving a child and fails to report or destroy it is punishable with a fine of not less than five thousand rupees., and repeat offence will be punishable with fine of not less than ten thousand rupees. If the material is stored for further transmitting or propagating, then along with fine, it is punishable with upto three years of imprisonment. For storing child pornographic material for commercial purpose is punishable with three to five years of imprisonment, and in subsequent conviction, upto seven years of imprisonment," the Section says.

Justice Pardiwala said that in this case, mens rea is to be gathered from actus rea -- mens rea refers to the intent behind the crime and actus rea is the actual criminal act.

"We have said on the lingering impact of child pornography on the victimisation and abuse of children... We have suggested to the Parliament to bring an amendment to POCSO... so that child pornography can be referred to as child sexually abusive and exploitative material. We have suggested an ordinance can be brought in. We have asked all courts not to refer to child pornography in any order," the bench said.

The Chief Justice called it a "landmark judgment" and thanked Justice Pardiwala.

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