Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
September 24,2024

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Ahmedabad: The investigation into the death of a six-year-old girl in Gujarat's Dahod district has led to a chilling revelation -- the Class I student was choked to death, allegedly by her school's principal after she resisted his attempts to sexually assault her. He then dumped her body in the school's compound and her bag and shoes near the classroom. Police have arrested the accused, 55-year-old Govind Natt.

Senior police officer Rajdeep Singh Jhala said the six-year-old girl's body was found on the premises of her school on Thursday evening, sparking panic in the area. The post-mortem revealed that she suffocated to death. Police registered a case and formed 10 teams to probe the matter. The girl's mother told the police that she went to school with the principal, Govind Natt, every day. When the cops spoke to him, the principal said he had dropped off the girl at the school and left for some work.

The cops were not convinced. When they examined Govind Natt's phone location details on the day of the incident, it was found that he reached school late that day. When he was grilled, the principal confessed to the heinous crime.

"He picked up the girl from her home at around 10.20 am. Her mother helped her get into the principal's car and saw her off. But she never reached the school. The school's students and teachers confirmed this. On the way to school, the principal tried to sexually assault her, and she started shouting," the senior officer said, adding that the principal choked the girl to stop her from shouting.

On reaching the school, the principal left the girl's body in his car and locked the vehicle. "Around 5 pm, he dumps the body behind the school building and plants her school bag and shoes outside her classroom. He denied this initially, but we suspected him after the technical analysis," Mr Jhala said.

Govind Natt, police have said, faces stringent charges under the Bharatiya Nyay Sanhita and the stringent Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act.

State Education Minister Kuber Dindor said it was a shameful incident for the society. "I am pained by this. We were following this up for three days. We had told police to get to the bottom of this. The principal has been arrested. I condemn this incident and we will take steps to ensure such crimes are not repeated."

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News Network
September 20,2024

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New Delhi: The Supreme Court today sought a report from the Karnataka High Court over controversial remarks made by Justice Vedavyasachar Srishananda during a recent court hearing.

Justice Srishananda, while addressing a landlord-tenant dispute, referred to a Muslim-majority area in Bengaluru as "Pakistan" and made a misogynistic comment involving a woman lawyer. 

A five-judge bench led by Chief Justice of India DY Chandrachud, along with Justices S Khanna, B R Gavai, S Kant, and H Roy, expressed the need for establishing clear guidelines for constitutional court judges regarding their remarks in court. 

The Supreme Court bench said that when social media plays an active role in monitoring and amplifying courtroom proceedings, there is an urgency to ensure judicial commentary aligns with the decorum expected from courts of law.

"Our attention has been drawn to some comments made by Karnataka High Court judge Justice V Srishananda during the conduct of judicial proceedings. We have asked the AG and SG to assist us. We ask the registrar general of the High Court to submit a report to this court after seeking administrative directions from the Chief Justice of Karnataka High Court. This exercise may be carried out in 2 weeks," the top court directed.

Videos of Justice Srishanananda have gone viral on social media.

In one video, he refers to a Muslim-dominated locality in Bengaluru as "Pakistan" and on another video he was seen making objectionable comments against a woman lawyer. In the second incident, Justice Srishanananda can be heard telling the woman lawyer that she seemed to know a lot about the "opposition party", so much so that she might be able to reveal the colour of their undergarments.

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News Network
September 17,2024

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As the Modi-led NDA government completes the first 100 days of its third term, the Congress party has launched a scathing attack, dubbing it as the "U-Turn Sarkar" for its failures and policy reversals.

At a press conference in Delhi, Congress spokesperson Supriya Shrinate highlighted what she called "100 days of instability, indecisiveness, and immaturity," accusing the Modi government of damaging critical sectors of the economy and public infrastructure.

Shrinate criticised the government's handling of the economy, which she described as being in "dire straits".

She argued that under Modi's leadership, sectors such as agriculture, youth employment, and infrastructure have been neglected. "These 100 days have been very heavy on the country's economy, farmers, youth, women, infrastructure, railways, and institutions," she said, adding "It has become clear that Narendra Modi has no vision to deal with the country's problems."

She went on to debunk the government's claims of progress in infrastructure development, citing multiple instances of structural failures in key projects.

“The airports inaugurated by Narendra Modi--from Jabalpur to Delhi and Rajkot--could not even withstand a single monsoon,” Shrinate pointed out. She also referenced failures such as:

•    Atal setu: Constructed at a cost of Rs18,000 crore, the bridge developed cracks soon after its inauguration.

•    Sudarshan setu in Gujarat: Opened in February 2024, it also developed cracks within months.

•    Shivaji statue collapse: The iconic statue of Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj was destroyed within eight months of being unveiled, an event Shrinate described as an "insult to Shivaji Maharaj."

•    Ram mandir water leakage: The sanctum sanctorum of the Ram Mandir, a symbol of faith for millions, was found to be leaking during the monsoon.

•    "Who will take accountability for these incidents?" Shrinate asked, questioning the government's competency in executing large-scale projects.

•    On railway safety, Shrinate accused the government of overseeing a period marked by frequent accidents and derailments.

•    "There have been 38 railway accidents in 100 days, resulting in 21 deaths," she stated. Despite the public outrage following the tragic Balasore accident, which killed nearly 300 people earlier this year, the Congress spokesperson said that the government has failed to take effective measures to improve rail safety.

•    She criticised the slow implementation of Kavach, an anti-collision device, stating, “The reality is that even after 21 deaths, Kavach is being installed at a pace of 2 km per year, while the Railway Minister shamelessly calls these 'minor' incidents.” Shrinate’s remarks come amidst mounting public concern over the Modi government’s inability to secure rail travel in one of the world’s largest railway networks.

In addition to infrastructure and safety concerns, Shrinate accused the Modi government of making hasty policy decisions, only to later backtrack under public pressure. "If any of your decisions affect the country negatively, it won’t become law because the government will take a U-turn on it," she said. Among the key policy reversals Shrinate cited were:

•    Lateral entry: A controversial policy of hiring private-sector professionals for bureaucratic roles, which was quietly shelved.

•    Broadcast Bill: Withdrawn after fierce opposition, highlighting the government's poor handling of policy legislation.

•    Waqf Board Bill: Another example of the government's failure to gauge the impact of its decisions.

•    NPS to UPS: Indexation policy changes that were hastily reversed after protests from key stakeholders.

"Narendra Modi's first 100 days symbolise not just U-turns, but a government that is fundamentally unsure of its direction," Shrinate remarked.

"In 100 days, 104 heinous crimes have been committed against women, in which there are 157 victims. Women are raped publicly in BJP ruled states but Narendra Modi doesn't say a word on this. But how will you speak, because you are the one who stood with those who sexually exploited the daughters of the country," she added.

The Congress's sharp critique of the Modi government's first 100 days has set the tone for the coming months, as the opposition gears up for a series of state elections and prepares for the 2024 general election.

"The country cannot afford this level of instability, immaturity, and incompetence," Shrinate concluded, calling on citizens to hold the Modi government accountable for what she described as its "endless U-turns and policy failures."

In these 100 days, Congress has made clear that it will focus on highlighting the government’s missteps in the economy, public safety, and governance, presenting itself as a viable alternative in the face of what it calls "a government in retreat."

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