Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
September 14,2024

Bengaluru: Karnataka Home Minister G Parameshwara on Saturday said the situation in violence-hit Nagamangala town in Mandya district is peaceful now, and steps have been taken to ensure that no untoward incidents take place.

Clashes had broken out between two groups during the Ganesh idol procession in the town, following which mobs went on a rampage with stone pelting and targeting several shops and vehicles leading to tension on Wednesday night.

"Situation in Nagamangala is now peaceful and there is no problem there. I have also instructed officials to hold a peace meeting there. We have instructed officers to ensure that no untoward incidents take place, enough police force is also stationed there," Parameshwara told reporters here.

About 55 people have been arrested in connection with the incident and they have been sent to judicial custody, according to police sources.

Responding to a question on opposition parties including JD(S) leader H D Kumaraswamy raising doubts about the FIR, he said, "The police will do what has to be done in accordance with law..."

Asked about BJP sending a fact finding team to Nagamangala, the Home Minister said, "Let them find the facts and inform us, and if there is any fact from their fact finding, we will look into it. It will make our work a bit easier." The BJP panel consisting of MLA C N Ashwath Narayan, former Minister Byrathi Basavaraj, former Minister K C Narayana Gowda, state secretary Lakshmi Ashwin Gowda, and former IPS officer Bhaskar Rao, will visit the spot and submit a comprehensive report to the party in a week.

According to police, an argument had broken out between two groups, when the Ganesh idol procession by devotees from Badri Koppalu village reached a place of worship on Wednesday, and some miscreants hurled stones, which escalated the situation.

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News Network
September 18,2024

pagerblast.jpg

The founder of Taiwan's Gold Apollo, Hsu Ching-Kuang denied that his company manufactured the pagers used in the explosions that occurred in Lebanon on Tuesday, resulting in at least nine fatalities and nearly 3,000 injuries.

The detonations were triggered simultaneously by pagers used by militant-group Hezbollah members across the country.

News agency Reuters reported that images of the destroyed pagers revealed a format and stickers on the back that were consistent with those produced by Gold Apollo.

A high-ranking Lebanese security official said that Hezbollah had placed an order for 5,000 pagers from the Taiwanese company.

Earlier, a New York Times (NYT) report said that pagers used by Hezbollah members that simultaneously exploded on Tuesday came from Taiwan, with Lebanon claiming that explosives packed in sometime before they arrived in Lebanon.

However, Hsu clarified that the pagers involved in the incident were manufactured by a European company called BAC, which had the right to use Gold Apollo's brand. "The product was not ours. It was only that it had our brand on it," he said, without disclosing the name of the European manufacturer. Hsu further said that Gold Apollo was also a victim in this situation.

"We are a responsible company. This is very embarrassing," Hsu said.

According to media reports, Hezbollah's fighters started using pagers believing they could avoid Israeli tracking of their locations.

Hezbollah blames Israel, vows 'punishment'

Hezbollah vowed revenge against Israel following accusations that the latter was responsible for detonating pagers throughout Lebanon.

Ziad Makary, the Lebanese information minister, denounced the detonation of the pagers, which are commonly used by Hezbollah and other groups in Lebanon for communication purposes. He labeled the incident as an "Israeli aggression". Meanwhile, Hezbollah declared that Israel would face "its fair punishment" for the explosions.

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News Network
September 25,2024

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New Delhi: The Supreme Court today closed proceedings against Karnataka High Court Judge Justice Vedavyasachar Srishananda, following his public apology for controversial comments made during court sessions. Chief Justice of India DY Chandrachud, leading a five-judge bench, stated that the decision was made in the interest of justice and the dignity of the judiciary.

Justice Srishananda during a recent court hearing. Justice Srishananda, while addressing a landlord-tenant dispute, referred to a Muslim-majority area in Bengaluru as "Pakistan" and made a misogynistic comment involving a woman lawyer. His comments, which went viral on social media, prompted the Supreme Court to seek a report from the Karnataka High Court, which was submitted shortly after the incident.

"No one can call any part of territory of India as 'Pakistan'," Chief Justice Chandrachud said. "It is fundamentally against the territorial integrity of the nation. The answer to sunlight is more sunlight and not to suppress what happens in court. The answer is not to close it down."

The Supreme Court had taken up the case on its own and had sought a report from the Karnataka High Court over the controversial remarks. A five-judge bench led by CJI Chandrachud, along with Justices S Khanna, B R Gavai, S Kant, and H Roy, had on September 20 expressed the need for establishing clear guidelines for constitutional court judges regarding their remarks in court. 

"Casual observational may indicate personal biases especially when perceived to be directed at a certain gender or community. Thus one must be wary of making patriarchal or misogynistic comments. We express our serious concern about observations on a certain gender or a community and such observations are liable to be construed in a negative light. We hope and trust that the responsibilities entrusted to all stakeholders are discharged without bias and caution," CJI Chandrachud said today. 

The Supreme Court bench said that when social media plays an active role in monitoring and amplifying courtroom proceedings, there is an urgency to ensure judicial commentary aligns with the decorum expected from courts of law.

Videos of Justice Srishanananda were viral on social media.

In one video, he refers to a Muslim-dominated locality in Bengaluru as "Pakistan" and in another video he was seen making objectionable comments against a woman lawyer. In the second incident, Justice Srishanananda can be heard telling the woman lawyer that she seemed to know a lot about the "opposition party", so much so that she might be able to reveal the colour of their undergarments.

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