Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
September 15,2024

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New Delhi: Two days after he was granted bail and walked out of prison after six months, Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal announced his shock resignation from the top post at a party meeting this afternoon. "Two days later, I will resign as Chief Minister. I will not sit on that chair till the people announce their verdict. Elections in Delhi are months away. I got justice from the legal court, now I will get justice from the people's court. I will sit on the Chief Minister's chair only after the order of the people," he said. 

"I want to ask the people of Delhi, is Kejriwal innocent or guilty? If I have worked, vote for me," he said, adding that a meeting of AAP MLAs will be held within the next two days to choose the new Chief Minister for the national capital.

The Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) leader said a member of the party will be named Chief Minister after his resignation. He said he would go among the people and ask for their support. Mr Kejriwal also demanded that the elections in the national capital, scheduled for February, be held in November along with the polls in Maharashtra.

In his address to the AAP workers, Mr Kejriwal launched an all-out attack against the Narendra Modi government and said it was more dictatorial than the British.

He said he did not resign as Chief Minister despite being arrested because he wanted to save democracy. "They have registered cases against (Karnataka Chief Minister) Siddaramaiah, (Kerala Chief Minister) Pinarayi Vijayan, (Bengal Chief Minister) Mamata didi (Banerjee). I want to appeal to non-BJP, do not resign if they register cases against you. This is their new game," he said.

Mr Kejriwal said he had also spoken to former Deputy Chief Minister Manish Sisodia about the issue. Mr Sisodia too was recently granted bail in connection with corruption allegations surrounding Delhi's now-scrapped liquor policy. "I spoke to Manish, he too has said that he will handle the post only after the people say we are honest. My and Sisodia's fate are in your hands now," he said.

Responding to the shocking development, BJP's Harish Khurana questioned why the AAP leader is creating a drama. "Why after 48 hours? he should resign today. In the past too, he has done this. People of Delhi are asking, he can't go to the secretariat, can't sign documents? What is the point then?" Asked if the BJP was ready for early polls, Mr Khurana replied, "We are ready, whether it is today or tomorrow. We will return to power in Delhi after 25 years."

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News Network
September 23,2024

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New Delhi: Downloading and watching child pornography is an offence under the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, the Supreme Court ruled today in a landmark judgment on the stringent law to prevent child abuse.

The bench of Chief Justice of India DY Chandrachud and Justice JB Pardiwala set aside the Madras High Court order that had ruled that merely downloading and watching child pornography was not an offence under the POCSO Act. The Supreme Court noted that the high court had committed an "egregious error" in passing the judgment.

The Madras High Court's order had come in a case in which a 28-year-old man was charged with downloading child pornography on his phone. The court had quashed the criminal proceedings against the man and said children these days are grappling with the serious issue of watching pornography and society must be mature enough to educate them instead of punishing them.

The Supreme Court today restored the criminal proceedings against the man.

At the outset, Justice Pardiwala thanked the Chief Justice for the opportunity to pen this judgment. The order focused on Section 15 of the POCSO Act which lays down punishment for the storage of pornographic material involving children.

"Any person who stores any pornographic material involving a child and fails to report or destroy it is punishable with a fine of not less than five thousand rupees., and repeat offence will be punishable with fine of not less than ten thousand rupees. If the material is stored for further transmitting or propagating, then along with fine, it is punishable with upto three years of imprisonment. For storing child pornographic material for commercial purpose is punishable with three to five years of imprisonment, and in subsequent conviction, upto seven years of imprisonment," the Section says.

Justice Pardiwala said that in this case, mens rea is to be gathered from actus rea -- mens rea refers to the intent behind the crime and actus rea is the actual criminal act.

"We have said on the lingering impact of child pornography on the victimisation and abuse of children... We have suggested to the Parliament to bring an amendment to POCSO... so that child pornography can be referred to as child sexually abusive and exploitative material. We have suggested an ordinance can be brought in. We have asked all courts not to refer to child pornography in any order," the bench said.

The Chief Justice called it a "landmark judgment" and thanked Justice Pardiwala.

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News Network
September 12,2024

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Mysuru: More than 50 people have been arrested in connection with the riots between two groups of different faiths, at Nagamangala town, Mandya district, over the Ganesha idol procession, on Wednesday night.

High drama prevailed in front of the Nagamangala town police station on Thursday morning, with women belonging to both Hindu and Muslim communities staging a protest against the arrest of their family members and demanding their release.

The two groups started arguing over the Ganesha idol procession on the Mysuru-Nagamangala road, near a 'dargah'. This soon turned violent with stone being pelted. Reports said that around 25 shops were also set on fire.

Several vehicles were damaged and torched by the mob. However, police intervened and brought the situation under control, deploying additional police forces.

Holiday has been declared to schools and colleges in Nagamangala town until further notice. Police have imposed section 144 till 12 noon of September 14.

SP Mallikarjuna Baladandi, IGP (Southern Range) Boralingaiah, DC Kumar and other officials visited the spot.

District incharge Minister N Chaluvarayaswamy visited the spot on Thursday morning and took stock of the situation. Speaking to reporters he said, the incident was unfortunate.

"The clash which started around 9 pm on Wednesday, flared up with miscreants setting fire, damaging shops and vehicles in the town. There is no need for anxiety. Additional police forces have been deployed in the town and the situation is under control now," he said.

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